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Cindy Anthony has had nearly 14 years to reflect on the most devastating era of her life.

In July 2008, her daughter,Casey Anthonywas arrested in the disappearance of Cindy’s 2-year-old granddaughter,Caylee. For nearly six months, Cindy and her husband, George, conducted a nationwide search for the toddler, following up on countless leads.

That December, Caylee’s remains were found in a wooded area near the family home.

Casey was charged with murder.Her 2011 trialwas a media circus, with at least 40 million people watching at least some of the testimony, according to Nielsen Research. Anthony was infamouslyacquitted of murderand manslaughter charges on July 5, 2011 — but convicted of four counts of lying to police.

But even the trial was full of bombshells. Anthony and her defense team accused George Anthony of sexually abusing Casey — a claim that he vehemently denied. Cindy didn’t escape unscathed and even testified that she had been the one to perform incriminating computer searches that were being blamed on Casey.

Orange County Sheriff’s Office HO.

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“What the eff was she thinking?” Anthony asked. “Why the heck didn’t she tell us? Why didn’t she call somebody. None of this would’ve happened. And it’s like, oh my gosh, she put us through hell. I know if I had found Caylee drowned in the pool, I would’ve been devastated and blamed myself for the rest of my life.”

A source close to the Anthony family tells PEOPLE that Cindy Anthony has a lot of resentment towards her daughter.

Joe Burbank/Orlando Sentinel/MCT/Landov.

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“She is still angry a lot of the time,” the family insider says. “This was a loving grandmother who had to withstand family trauma that no one should ever have to deal with. So when she starts talking about Casey and Caylee, she gets really upset, even now.”

Cindy has a fractious relationship with her daughter. They didn’t speak for many years, but have recently begun communicating sporadically.

“At first, Cindy wanted answers. She wanted to know what had happened, why this had happened. She wanted Casey to explain the hell she put everyone through. Now she realizes that there’s no point asking Casey anything, because she is never going to get any straight answers. So what’s the point?”

But does Cindy Anthony think her daughter was guilty of murdering her granddaughter? “That’s a tough question,” says the family insider. “Sometimes she wavers. George is steadfast that she did something wrong, but with Cindy, it’s a big question mark. Mostly, she’s just sad about the way things turned out.”

source: people.com