Chef Julia Turshen.Photo:Natalie Chitwood; Kevin Drury Photography

Natalie Chitwood; Kevin Drury Photography

“I used to walk into a room and wonder if I was the biggest person in it. Now I walk into a room and wonder how many things I can lift.”

With that line in her new essay,Built for This: The Quiet Strength of Powerlifting, chef and cookbook author Julia Turshen describes the physical and emotional journey that has allowed her to go from feeling self-conscious to comfortable — in any space.

“Writing cookbooks and writing recipes allowed me to count, to measure, to figure out exact quantities of ingredients,” Turshen tells PEOPLE. “I got to apply my obsessiveness about those sort of numbers to a successful career writing recipes.”

But it wasn’t until April 2021 when she spent a summer working on a farm that she learned to celebrate what her body can do — not just what it looks like.

Julia Turshen.Kevin Drury Photography

Kevin Drury Photography

“Working at the farm just changed everything for me. When I started thinking about what parts of working at the farm allowed me to feel really comfortable and secure and proud of my body, the thing that just always came to mind was lifting big heavy things: crates of vegetables, and big sacks of root vegetables and stuff. I love that I was able to do that and I wanted to have more opportunities.”

In March 2022, her friend introduced her to Matthew Santiago, who would become her trainer and mentor in powerlifting. And when the opportunity to write about her powerlifting journey came along, “There was something there that I wanted to write — that it wouldn’t quite fit in a cookbook — to really explore something that had changed the way I felt about my body, in hopes that I could connect with other people, who experience also the complication of living in a human body.”

Below, she talks to PEOPLE exclusively about her evolution.

When you started powerlifting, you let your trainer Matt decide how much weight you would lift — you said you didn’t want to know. Why was that?

“I’ve had a hard time in general with tracking numbers, calories, other nutritional kind of facts, pounds gained or lost. I get really lost in those kinds of numbers. When I made the decision to work with Matt — which is a luxury to be able to afford to work with a coach — I asked him to just be in charge of the numbers so I didn’t have to be. I think of it as like a very self-protective decision, because I wanted to think about how I feel in my body, and to just feel how I feel…to be in the moment and feel how the weight feels when I when I lift it and respond to that feeling as opposed to the amount.”

When people think of professional chefs, they might think of the stereotype of hotheads yelling in a kitchen. How has powerlifting given you peace?

“I’ve lived a lot of my life looking for validation from other people, whether professional or personal, and I think powerlifting has allowed me to give that to myself, so I’m not looking for it from other people. It’s allowed me to feel really good about myself. I’m proud of myself and I know what I’m capable of, and that allows me to be much more relaxed. It has afforded me a lot of peace and calm. It’s not a magic thing. I still get worked up about plenty of stuff. But I have given myself this routine where multiple times a week, I show up for myself and I remind myself like I’m a really capable person. That makes me feel really calm in other parts of my life.”

Julia Turshen.nnovaturientt

nnovaturientt

You talk a lot about taking up space as a woman — and being comfortable doing so. How has powerlifting helped?

“For women and people who present as women, to just go into a [gym] and not be afraid to take up space is a really big deal. The first time that happened, someone asked me if I was using the bench press, because I was resting in between my sets and I was like, ‘Oh yeah, you know, I’ll just be a little bit longer, I’ll let you know when I’m done.’ He walked away and was fine about it. Getting that relaxed response was very empowering for me. Just stating my needs and not getting out of the way just because someone else wants to use this thing is actually something I’m completely entitled to do. And for someone who hasn’t had a lot of experience doing that, it felt like such a huge deal for me.”

In the essay you describe your first competition. What do you like about powerlifting competitions?

Built for This: The Quiet Strength of Powerliftingis available to subscribers onEverand.com. In celebration of the launch ofRoxane Gay &, Everand is extending their signature 30-day free trial to 60 days, available to all new subscribers throughthis link.

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source: people.com